Remorse of an Actress
by DreamFlight
Summary: What if Misa wasn't really as foolish as she acts? What if she wasn't quite so devoted to Raito as he likes to think? A story of what ifs... Slight MisaL
1. Chapter 1

_Remorse of an Actress_

Ok…so this is my first Deathnote fic… I'm hoping to keep it a bit dark, but I don't always do dark so well. Anyway, it picks up midway through the manga – the section titled "Hug". AKA after Raito remembers, and is no longer handcuffed to L. Misa has just dug up the deathnote in the forest.

Basically it describes how the story might have gone if Misa had a) a brain, and b) actually cared about Ryuuzaki as a friend. It drives me crazy that a female character could be as empty-headed as Miza, so I feel obliged to turn it on its head. I warn you now… as the chapters go on, Misa will be increasingly out of character. I may also make it slightly Misa x Ryuuzaki – just cause its so cute.

* * *

_Chapter 1_

Misa stood alone in the dark forest. The wind whipped by her as she read the note Raito had left for her beside the notebook. She smiled, maybe now Raito would love her, at least a little. She folded it out, noticing how smooth the paper, how well thought out Raito's plan. She read the last line: "Until death parts us!" She read the line again: "If you do for me what I ask you to do…"

Misa sighed. Was this what her life had really come to? Letting a man manipulate her in the hopes that one day he would love her just a fraction of how much she loved him? She sighed, well, maybe this time he would mean it.

She thought for a moment. "Raito means for Misa to kill Ryuuzaki. This means that he is… L." For a moment triumphant flared up inside her. L was the only one standing in between Raito and his perfect world. Her perfect world. But… L was also Ryuuzaki. Misa looked confused for a moment. Ryuuzaki was her friend.

Misa Amane may have done many horrible things in her life, but she couldn't kill a friend, could she? She sighed. Was it really so critical that they kill Ryuuzaki? Wasn't it possible that Raito could just keep it secret? Or what if they talked him around? Surely Raito with all his brilliance could make Ryuuzaki see that this was for the best of everyone.

Misa sighed, remembering Ryuuzaki's strong feelings about justice. "Even if the system fails," he'd said, "It's all we have. If one person takes it upon themselves to judge the world, where would it end? It may start with criminals now, but isn't it possible that one day anyone who so much as holds an opinion different from Kira may become a target?"

Misa stared up at the dark sky. She sighed again. It didn't matter anyway right now. There was no way she could remember Ryuuzaki's real name. She started to walk away from this dark clearing in the forest. She needed a plan.

From the shadows Ryuk watched the young model head back towards civilization, an expression of glee upon his face. It was ever so amusing when Raito's schemes _didn't_ work out according to plan. Though he was rather upset that Misa hadn't looked for him. He could _smell_ that apple in her backpack.

He watched Misa pause. "Ryuk?" She called out. "I know you're there somewhere. And I have something I know you want."

Ryuk moved out of the shadows. "I knew you wouldn't forget about my apple." He said with an awkward smirk.

"Well," said Misa slowly, as if she was weighing her words. "There is one condition though."

Ryuk widened his eyes in interest.

* * *

Misa entered the foyer of the building holding a rather large box. Raito greeted her with a look of surprise. Misa smiled and carefully made sure she was facing a camera, these next few minutes had to be acted to perfection. She realized Raito may not initially like the changes she'd made to his plan, so it was essential she get this all right. "MisaMisa was hoping to see Ryuuzaki." She said brightly, knowing that the person in question would be watching the camera – the pervert that he was. 

Raito looked at her in confusion. "See Ryuuzaki?" He asked, momentarily confused. Wasn't _he_ the centre of Misa's universe?

Misa smiled, setting the box down on the floor beside her. She leapt into his arms. "MisaMisa's so sorry." She whispered pathetically. "Misa couldn't remember his name." She faked a quiet sob. She felt Raito's stiff hug, the lack of feeling or emotions he felt for her. "But MisaMisa can fix it." She whispered urgently. "Misa did the eyes deal with Ryuk. All Misa needs is to see Ryuuzaki, and Misa can make it all perfect for Raito." She tightened her hug. "And then MisaMisa and Raito can live happily ever after and make the world so much better." She rambled on, not even entirely sure of what horribly sweet things she said.

Raito loosened his hug. "Misa even brought a cake!" She exclaimed brightly, making sure her face was angled in the direction of the camera, as she scooped up the box.

Raito smiled. The girl was as easy to manipulate as ever. Though he paused for a moment. She had been able to plan her next move – to trick Ryuuzaki into showing himself in person for her to catch his name. He frowned slightly. He shook his head, it wasn't as if Misa could actually be intelligent. He nodded to Ryuk. "Nice to see you again, Ryuk." He told the shinigami.

Ryuk tried his best not to laugh. Who would have known little Misa had it in her to trick Raito? She'd flat out refused to do the eyes deal in the forest, arguing that it wouldn't be necessary, and would just shorten the time she would be able to spend with Raito. He chuckled softly. It was amusing how she thought Raito would forgive her and even love her one day. She didn't seem to realize she was nothing more than a pawn to Raito.

* * *

Ryuuzaki popped a sugar cube idly into his mouth, letting the sugar melt across his tongue. He was focused intently upon the two young people who were presently meeting in the foyer of the building. He noticed Mogi momentarily looking over his shoulder. "Ryuuzaki," the man started, "Don't you think its impolite to watch Raito and Miss Amane? They should have earned at least a little privacy by now." 

"Not when they're talking about me." Ryuuzaki said patiently. He popped another sugar cube into his mouth. There was no way he could ignore the fact that Misa had scouted the lobby for cameras as she entered, had purposely positioned herself to face the camera, and had then informed him – well, technically Raito – that she wished to see him. Ryuuzaki chewed thoughtfully. She'd also mentioned something about cake…

* * *

"Well Misa," Raito started. "We may as well find out if Ryuuzaki will see us." He moved to the elevator, only to have it open in his face. He was shocked to see Ryuuzaki himself standing inside. His hunched form and shadowed features appeared surreal against the normality of an elevator. 

"Ryuuzaki!" Misa called playfully. "Misa-Misa knew you would come for cake!"

* * *

The three sat awkwardly in one of the rooms they'd spent countless "dates" in during Misa and Raito's surveillance. Well, Raito sat awkwardly. Ryuuzaki was as expressionless as ever, shoveling cake into his mouth, his eyes watching the ever-bubbly Misa Amane. She too appeared comfortable in this setting, happily chatting endlessly about meaningless things. Raito shook his head. How he detested this. Couldn't Misa just look at Ryuuzaki's name and then excuse herself to go to the washroom to write down his name? His hands itched to strangle one of the two, or both, preferably. 

"I think I'm going to check on the investigation." He said suddenly, rising stiffly.

Ryuuzaki raised an eyebrow artfully, "Misa," he said softly, "I think we're boring Raito."

Misa sighed dramatically. "Raito is just dedicated to the Kira case." She announced. "Misa-Misa is proud of him for working so hard!"

Inwardly Raito rolled his eyes. He was a god. A god surrounded by people intent on driving him insane!

Misa watched the door close behind Raito. She sighed softly, she had realized that the only way to get out of killing Ryuuzaki was to turn this deathnote over to him. At least with it in his hands, no one else could get killed. She also knew it was now or never.

"Ryuuzaki?" She asked softly. She watched the strange man turn his dark eyes onto her. She shivered slightly, appalled by his wild appearance. How could one so intelligent let themselves look such a wreck? "Misa-Misa needs to tell Ryuuzaki something."

She pulled the deathnote of her purse. "Misa-Misa did more detective work." She watched Ryuuzaki's eyes widen in surprise. She took a deep breath. She wasn't an actress for nothing. "Misa-Misa was on the set of her latest music video, and noticed a strange man watching her. When the shoot was over, the strange man walked up to Misa and asked her if she would have tea with him. Misa turned him down, of course. Misa-Misa has a wonderful boyfriend!" Misa nibbled her lip. A wonderful boyfriend who by now should be watching this on video, staring at the deathnote that Misa was holding out in hands.

"But the man says to Misa, would Miss Misa Amane wish to meet Kira? And Misa-Misa thinks: wouldn't Misa be such a help to Raito and Ryuuzaki if she could find something?" She paused, Ryuuzaki looked only half-convinced. "So Misa says 'Yes', Misa-Misa is indebted to Kira for avenging her parents. And the man says, then come to have tea with me – so Misa goes. And the man talks and talks, but Misa pulls the same trick she's played before." She did her best then to give her silly aren't-I-clever look.

"And the man pulls out this notebook." She pressed the deathnote into Ryuuzaki's hands, feeling oddly free now that it was out of her hands. "And Misa flirts with the man until he forgets about the notebook, and then Misa slips it into her purse. And she brings it to Ryuuzaki!" She smiled brightly, knowing all too well that it all sounded contrived.

But the deathnote was out of her hands, and in Ryuuzaki's. Raito couldn't make her kill Ryuuzaki if she didn't have a deathnote. And that was what mattered right now, right? Ryuuzaki looked at her with hooded eyes. "Did you happen to get this man's name?" he asked unemotionally. Misa shook her head, looking for all the world as clueless as a newborn puppy dog. She watched him watch her. "I think it would be safest for you to stay here for the next little while Misa." He continued. "Once this man figures out you've taken this notebook, he would probably come after you." Misa nodded softly.

In the meantime, Raito stood motionless in the centre of the room, his eyes glued to the monitor showing Misa and Ryuuzaki. That was the deathnote in Misa's hands. "Matsuda," he commanded. "Turn up the sound for monitor 3." He listened, frozen in his anger to Misa's foolish story. What was she doing? She was _giving_ the deathnote to Ryuuzaki? How would they get rid of L now? And worse, how _dare_ she betray him like this.

He shook his head in disbelief. This was out of character, to say the least. At least her explanation left both of them guiltfree. Though he highly doubted it would keep L off their trail for long. He sneered inwardly. This was his own fault – trusting someone as pathetic as Misa. He should have just killed her so long ago.

He sat down unsteadily. "Wow." He heard Matsuda say. "Can you believe how brave your girlfriend is Raito?" The ignorant man said. "She put herself in danger just to help our investigation." Matsuda turned to face Raito. "She did it for you!"

Raito's gaze hardened. "She shouldn't be putting herself in danger like that." He growled. "Now she's confined back to this building – and she was just finally free to go." Inside his head though, he was thinking darkly: she did this for Ryuuzaki.

_Review please!!! I wanna know what you guys think... I might not continue if no one likes it - I have another fic going that already eats my study time. But this idea has been bugging me for weeks now. :P_


	2. Chapter 2

_**Remorse of an Actress** _

_Chapter Two_

Misa lounged on a couch in her room, reading a magazine. She paused and looked closely at a picture – yes, she definitely had to have that skirt. A small knock on the door interrupted her. "Come in." She hollered, "Misa Misa is bored." She watched the door expectantly, but it didn't open. Intrigued, Misa rose from the couch and headed towards the door, opening it she was surprised to see Ryuuzaki shuffling from one socked foot to the other.

"Ryuuzaki?" She asked softly. "What are you doing here?"

He hesistated a moment, "I just wanted to let you know that the video cameras aren't on. I had them turned off since we aren't keeping you here. I figured the fact that you are willing to stay here by your own choice means enough."

Misa smiled. "Thank you, Ryuuzaki. That means a lot to Misa." She winked at him, "But now Misa can't tease Ryuuzaki for being a pervert."

Ryuuzaki shifted slightly. "That was also one of my reasons." Misa laughed softly, a sound that even forced a small smile from Ryuuzaki himself. "But," he murmured, taking on a slightly more serious tone, "I also know you aren't telling me something. You didn't have any shoots at all in the past few days, so your story doesn't actually hold up." He noted the way she began to chew on her lip distractedly. "Please," he said softly, "If you ever do decide to tell anyone what the real story is, come see me alright?"

He watched her. Where moments before she had been light and bubbly, she now seemed slightly deflated. And more than that, she was upset about something, and disappointed as well. He cleared his throat. "Misa, don't be afraid of doing things for yourself."

Misa looked straight at him then. "Why does Ryuuzaki think Misa isn't doing things for herself?"

He looked at her sadly for a moment. "Misa, maybe you should try living your life the way you want to live it, instead of how you think Raito wants you to." He waved his hand distractedly at her, "You're just acting right now. Anyone who actually cared enough to know you would be able to see that this isn't really you. You're better than this." He smiled wistfully. "You're smarter than this."

With that he disappeared down the hallway, leaving Misa standing shocked and alone in her doorway.

An hour later Misa was still trying to cope with what Ryuuzaki had said. She sat curled up on her couch, hugging a pillow. How did he see straight through her like that? She sighed, she'd always thought her act was extremely convincing, and now, right when she was feeling most confused, Ryuuzaki tells her that she can't fool him. She played with her ponytail for awhile, staring into space. Was it true? Would anyone who really cared about her realize it was an act?

What about Raito? He seemed to think she was even sillier than she acted. Did this mean that maybe… maybe he had never cared about her at all? She wrapped her arms around her legs, deep in thought. It was no fair, this fighting between her head and her heart. All she wanted was for one man, one man in this whole world to tell her he loved her, and mean it.

She was Miss Misa Amane, she had hundreds of fans, maybe even thousands of fans. Any one of them would willingly smile at her and talk to her and love her – but never Raito. There were lovestruck boys who had her picture pinned up in their lockers, but Raito never even looked twice at her. She uncurled herself gently and stretched. This was all a silly waste of time. The only way to get these thoughts out of her head was to go see Raito himself.

She headed for the door, but was surprised when it opened in her face. "Raito!" She said, a huge smile lighting up her face. "Misa was just coming to find you!"

"Really?" Raito replied unemotionally. "How shocking." His brown hair fell in front of his dark eyes as he stormed into the room, slamming the door behind him.

Misa stood awkwardly. Raito seemed different tonight. She looked at him. His eyes shone with malice, and his posture held a promise of… anger. She stared for a long moment. She had seen Raito in many moods, but never angry. She'd always thought he had amazing control over his emotions, so unlike her. He sat on the couch, facing her where she stood. One of his arms was draped unceremoniously over the back of the couch. The other lay impatiently on his knee.

"What were you thinking?" He asked finally, his voice shook slightly. "You gave L our only weapon against him. You lied to me. You betrayed me."

Misa trembled slightly. She'd known she'd have to deal with an upset Raito, but she had never seen a look so dark in his eyes. And truthfully, she'd tried to avoid thinking about this scene. She felt so small, pierced and trapped by his gaze, like some exquisite insect pinned to a board. Her lower lip wobbled slightly.

"Misa couldn't kill Ryuuzaki." She said finally, in a small voice.

"Misa couldn't kill Ryuuzaki." Raito repeated. "Why?" He asked grandly. "He's the only person standing in my way, and you couldn't even do such a simple task as write down the name that floated over his head."

Ryuk chose that moment to materialize into the room. "Kukukuku." He snickered in the background, thoroughly enjoying the twist Raito's plan had taken.

"And what do you find so amusing?" Raito asked the shinigami in frustration.

"Kukuku." Ryuk replied. "Raito didn't think his little pet could think for herself did he?" Misa stared at Ryuk. She shook her head softly, mouthing the word "no". Which of course, just edged the shinigami on; after all, there were few things so amusing as a heartbroken human. He turned to face Raito, maliciously he let the words hang in the air. "Misa didn't do the eyes deal."

Raito sat in shock. He looked at Misa. "You lied to me?"

Misa couldn't bring herself to look Raito in the eye. What had she done? She'd gone and betrayed the man she loved. And now he knew.

Raito stood up and walked over to Misa. He grabbed her roughly by the shoulders. "Look at me," he growled softly. "Did you lie to me?"

Misa slowly brought her eyes to meet Raito's. He has such beautiful eyes, she thought softly, as a tear began to work its way down her cheek. She nodded slightly.

Raito stared at her in disbelief. "So let me get this straight: you lied to me, tricked me, betrayed me, and basically all around screwed up the entire plan. All because you couldn't kill Ryuuzaki?"

Misa sniffled softly, "Ryuuzaki is Misa's friend." She breathed. "Misa can't kill her friends."

Raito tightened his hold on her shoulders. "Ryuuzaki's your friend? Why on earth do you think someone as intelligent as Ryuuzaki would want to be friends with someone as stupid as you?"

Misa stiffened. "At least Ryuuzaki talks to Misa. Raito never talks to Misa. You never appreciate Misa at all!"

"Maybe that's because an idiot like you doesn't deserve to be appreciated." Raito snarled, letting go of Misa's shoulders, and stepping away from her.

"I'm not an idiot." She said softly.

"What was that?" Raito asked, stepping closer to her again, his anger still flaring in his eyes.

"I'm not an idiot." Misa said more forcefully, bringing her eyes to meet Raito's. She was astonished by the sudden pain hitting her cheek. She stared at Raito in horror. He'd hit her. She stepped backwards from him, a hand covering her stinging cheek. The taste of blood, metallic and hot, trickled into her mouth. The inside of her cheek had been cut against her teeth by the force of the blow. Tears pricked her eyes.

"You're pathetic." Raito said with distain, angry at himself now for letting his anger control him. "I should have killed you when I had the chance."

Misa watched him stalk out of her room, slamming the door loudly behind him. She stared at the door for a long moment before the tears blurred her vision. She struggled to stand, and walked slowly towards her bathroom, her body wracked with sobs. She stared at her reflection in the bathroom mirror. Her left cheek was bright red, the outline of a hand imprinted firmly upon her skin. Hopelessly she rubbed the mark, wincing at the pain. She paused, it was all just making it look worse.

She sunk to the bathroom floor and curled up, crying. Trying hard to force away the memories of Raito's anger, and the pain that stung her face. She shivered. It was so cold, and she felt so alone. She sat up slowly, she needed to find someone, anyone. She couldn't just sit here alone. Her emotions would eat her alive.

* * *

She moved slowly down the shadowed hallway, timidly stopping outside a door. It was late; it had been midnight when Raito had arrived at her room. But sure enough, the quiet sound of a keyboard being steadily tapped at reached her ears. She knocked softly. The typing paused, followed by the soft shuffle of socked feet against plush carpet. The door opened a crack, and a pair of raccoon-like eyes peered out at her. 

Ryuuzaki stared at the miserable creature before his door. Her makeup was smudged and ran in dark tracks down her face. He heard her hiccup, and a soft sniffle. "Can I come in?" Misa Amane asked of him. Ryuuzaki unconsciously stepped back, holding the door open.

He stared at the pretty girl in horror. "Are you alright?" He asked expressionlessly. It was stupid question, he could see she wasn't. He watched her shake her head. He heard her breathing – choked and heavy, as she began to sob again. She fell into his arms, and the astonished detective stood awkwardly. He could feel her tears soaking through the shoulder of his shirt. Awkwardly he patted her shoulder. "It's alright." He murmured softly. Never in his wildest dreams had he even dared to imagine that he would be standing with his arms around Miss Misa Amane.

He pulled back from her, supporting her by her shoulders. He looked closely at her face, her eyes were red, and her face blotchy. Except of course for the still vibrantly red handprint on her left cheek. He gasped softly. "He hit you?" He stared at the creature before him.

"I'm not stupid." She sobbed over and over again, falling back into Ryuuzaki's arms. He stared at her bowed head in confusion. Hopelessly lost, he continued to pat her shoulder. He'd never felt so awkward in his life.

* * *

_Hi! I hope everyone likes this chapter... its way darker and more dramatic than I'd originally intended, but I blame it on the song that inspired this chapter - "Without You I'm Nothing" by Placebo. It really fits with this chapter, so I recommend the song. :P The next chapter should be slightly brighter. Well, it will have cake at least._


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N: Hahaha…uh, yeah. So a lot of people have pointed out to me that I goofed up big time on the socks thing. When I was writing it, I kept thinking I was forgetting something too. And I was like, o no, just no shoes. And then I published, and suddenly got a bunch of reviews saying "NO SOCKS" Well, not really. You guys were all really nice about it, but I nearly hit my head against a wall. How could I forget no socks? Who doesn't love toes? Anyway… I've tried to fix it. Sorry it's taken so long to update, and that its so short as well… life has been crazy the past few weeks._

* * *

_Chapter Three_

Misa sat huddled on a couch, staring blankly at a wall. Her eyes burned slightly, and she could just tell she looked a mess. Yet she couldn't bring herself to care. Somehow, that slap to her face had woken her up to many things. She sighed softly, Raito would never love her. She focused blurrily on a picture on the wall. Maybe Raito wasn't even capable of love at all.

She shifted slightly, leaning against the cushions. Her head hurt. She wondered why exactly she had come to Ryuuzaki for comfort – it wasn't like he was particularly good at it. At some point he'd left her on this couch and disappeared.

Misa lifted her head and watched Ryuuzaki enter the room. She observed his strange shuffling walk without emotion – she felt too drained to even begin to care about his strange appearance. She watched him slide a plate across the table to her, settling onto an armchair with a plate of his own. She stared at the plate with distaste.

"I can't eat that." She said softly.

"Why not?" Ryuuzaki inquired, the same way he always did. "One slice of cake will not make you fat. It might, however, make you feel a little better."

Misa looked from the strange detective, perched awkwardly on the edge of the armchair, to the chocolate cake sitting before her. It looked… fudgey. And gooey. And extremely sweet. She reached for the plate slowly, tentatively. Her fingers slide around the cool porcelain, and the plate was in her grasp. She brought it closer to her, examining the chocolately goodness. She lifted the fork daintily and brought a tiny bite of the cake to her lips.

She closed her mouth around the bite of chocolate cake and closed her eyes. The cake was surprisingly less sweet than she'd expected – the bitter rich flavour of dark chocolate teased her senses. It had been a long time since she'd allowed herself even the slightest indulgement.

She opened her eyes and found Ryuuzaki staring at her intently. "It's good." She admitted grudgingly, as her fork scooped up a larger bite. She looked at Ryuuzaki askance for a moment. "Why are you wearing socks?"

At that Ryuuzaki frowned. He shifted his stare down to the offensive white cotton socks. "It was an experiment."

Misa stared at him oddly. "An experiment for what?"

He shook his head. "The experiment failed actually."

Misa stared at him for a long moment, the strangeness of the scene finally sinking into her numbed brain. She laughed suddenly. A strange, strangled sound in the quiet room. "I'm such an idiot." She said. "You were right. I should do more things for myself. I should always have done more things for myself. Raito won't love me no matter what I do." She sighed, but something inside her felt like it might burst. She needed to get these things out of her; outside, into the world, where she could actually look at them, and maybe begin to understand them.

"I just thought that maybe my life would start to make sense again. After my parents died… I felt like I had nothing. And I thought Raito could make things better. I… I thought I loved him. But now I'm not so sure. How can I love someone who doesn't think of me as a real person, let alone an equal?" She shoved another bite of cake into her mouth.

"I think… it's the fact that he thinks I'm completely stupid that hurts more than anything. A slap to the face is cruel, but maybe I needed it. Maybe I've been acting so long I really have forgotten who I really am." Her forked scraped across the plate. "I'm just so sick of doing everything he tells me to without questioning it. Has he ever thought that maybe he might be wrong about some things? I mean, he goes around, acting like a god. He's just a person. He's no more special or better than I am. There's nothing he can do that I can't."

Misa licked the fork absently. She raised her gaze to Ryuuzaki. "Do you have any more of this cake?"

Ryuuzaki sat stock still at Misa's strangled laugh. He wasn't sure what he could do if she started going into hysterics or something like that. Truthfully, he had no idea how women acted in these situations. After all, the man she claimed to love more than anything or anyone had just slapped her across the face. Who knew what Misa might be capable of?

He stared at her for a long moment. Did she realize she wasn't talking in the third person? He watched her rant on and on, devouring the chocolate cake in record time, her fork scraping up every last crumb and particle of icing. Who was this woman sitting in front of him?

"I mean, he goes around, acting like a god. He's just a person. He's no more special or better than I am. There's nothing he can do that I can't." Ryuuzaki's eyes widened. Had Misa just said what he thought she said? He watched her raise her eyes, and dimly heard her request for more cake.

His mind was working at lightning speed however. Evidently Misa wasn't the dumb blonde she pretended to be, but she was letting things slip. Unless she meant them innocently. Mentally he measured what she said. Certainly Kira thought of himself as a god, and evidently Kira had no more actual power than the second Kira. He stared at Misa for a long moment. Was it possible that Raito and Misa were the guilty parties after all?

He raised an eyebrow. She'd said she'd done things without questioning them. He thought hard. It would be difficult to convict Raito – they had no evidence. But with a personal testimony… he looked at Misa, who was now staring at him in worry. But would Misa willingly testify against Raito? He chewed on his lip. Would she do it if he could promise her her freedom? Just how badly scorned did she feel?

"Ryuuzaki!" Misa's voice cut through his reverie. "Are you ok?"

"Yes, of course. I was just thinking." He watched Misa's face fall, thinking he hadn't been listening to her. "I was just shocked to hear you speak in first person." He watched her eyes rise again to meet his. He watched them sparkle, and as red from tears as they were, he couldn't help but find her beautiful. Surely the great detective L could finally put an end to this case?

"So can I get another slice of cake?" His eyes widened slightly; there was always a lead somewhere.


	4. Chapter 4

_Sorry it's taken a while to get this ou, and that its so shortt. I've been simply swamped (still am actually, I just need a break from writing my latest lab report). Hope you enjoy this latest chapter!_

* * *

_Chapter 4_

Misa woke up late the next day, her eyes burned with the aftermath of tears, and her ears rang with the last words Ryuuzaki had said to her. "If you know anything you think I should know, tell me." He'd paused for a moment. "Please?" He'd stared at her from behind his dark hair, "I promise you'll be alright."

Misa shivered slightly. Had she perhaps implied more than she'd intended last night? She sighed, but if he said she'd be alright... What did that mean exactly? He meant to accuse Raito but not her? She thought about the cop shows her parents had used to watch while she was in the room. Often the police had gotten one bad guy to give away the other bad guys in return for his freedom, hadn't they? Misa's awareness leapt to an alarmed state. Ryuuzaki meant for her to turn Raito in! He wanted her to testify against Raito. In exchange for her own freedom.

Misa stared softly into empty space. She could get out of this as the victim. Which would probably send her career rocketing upwards. Overall it seemed like a sensible plan. After all, Raito certainly didn't love her. Misa sighed again, but that didn't seem to stop her still loving him. Yes, she was angry with him; in fact, she wasn't even sure she wanted to see him again, but that didn't mean she could just turn him in. Not when she knew that she'd killed people on her own, without any real remorse. Until now at least.

Misa pulled on a satiny housecoat, dragging herself from her bedroom to the small kitchen attached to her living room. Once she had some toast with jam she shuffled over to her couch, landing with a slight thud, still pondering this ethical dilemma.

"_You should turn him in, Misa. He'll just hurt you again._" Misa turned her head, eyes wide at the intrusion into her thoughts.

"Rem? What are you doing here?"

"_I've been watching Raito. He's up to something. And I saw him hit you, Misa. He has no right to get away with that."_

"It's partly my fault," Misa said softly. "I kinda drove him to it."

Rem snorted. _"That doesn't give him the right to hurt you in any way. And if he really cared for you, he wouldn't have done it no matter how angry he was."_

Misa sighed. "I can't just turn him in. It wouldn't be fair, or right."

"_Yes you can. Who ever said life was fair or right?"_

Misa stared at Rem for a long moment. "You seem... rather eager to get rid of Raito." She looked at the shinigami carefully. Rem was never so forceful sounding. It was as if she was angry about something.

Rem shuffled awkwardly from one foot to the other. _"I'm glad that he can't get at the Deathnotes."_

Misa stared at Rem with alarm. "What do you mean?"

"_Raito has been trying to manipulate me. Using you."_

Misa continued staring. "Raito does tend to use people." She said softly.

"_He's using you." _Rem replied, equally softly.

The two females stared at each other for a long moment. "You really think Raito would… kill me?" Misa said softly, tears reappearing in the corner of her eyes.

"_I heard him, talking to himself." _The shinigami felt no need to finish the thought.

Misa felt tears begin to slide down her cheeks for the second time in less than twenty four hours. The wickedly horrible thought ran through her head then, maybe she could turn him in after all.

"Rem," she whispered. "When I get out of all this, I'm giving you back the deathnote. I'll give back Ryuk's too. I don't want to remember any of this anymore. It's all too horrible."

Rem nodded weakly. As little as she wanted to part with Misa, she cared too much about the girl to watch her fall apart any more than she already had. Ryuk might take pleasure out of watching people flail about in their seas of emotions, but Rem had just about enough. There was probably a reason shinigamis had deathnotes and humans didn't. It destroyed them eventually.


	5. Chapter 5

_Hope you guys aren't all angry at me for taking so long to update! And that you're still reading… _

_**Chapter 5**_

Once again Misa found herself standing in front of a closed door. She didn't have any intentions of opening this one however. She knew that Raito was at the moment sitting in that dark, crowded room, plotting traps to catch himself, without catching himself. She sighed heavily. It would likely be hours before he came down here. And then it would be too late for him to do anything. Anything but read the short note contained in the plain white envelope she now slid slowly under the door. She rose slowly, smoothing her short skirt nervously.

Action was supposed to be simpler than inaction she'd always thought. Wasn't it strange that now it seemed like the most difficult thing in the world?

* * *

Ryuuzaki entered his room around midnight. He'd reluctantly let Raito continue working upstairs, nervous about leaving him alone in the same room as the Deathnotes now that his suspicions seemed like more than mere suspicion. On the other hand, the notebooks were locked up tightly, secret passwords and everything – though he wasn't sure what he could put past Raito these days.

He trudged across the carpet, relishing the feeling of soft carpet under his toes. The whole sock experiment had definitely been a mistake. Shaking his head slightly he attempted to refocus on the task at hand: how to draw a confession out of Misa. He'd already contacted several authorities early that morning insinuating he may have found a witness to the true Kira, and ensuring that such an individual would have the utmost in protection. Now it was just a matter of figuring out how to tactfully tell this to Misa. And then get her to betray the man she'd spent months upon months following blindly.

Small order, wasn't it? What were emotions after all? A small feeling nibbled away at the back of his mind. Could he honestly say that he wasn't letting _his_ emotions cloud this case? Once upon a time he would have wanted both Raito and Misa in jail, now he was finding ways to keep her out. He couldn't deny that she must have killed by her own volition at least several times. By all rights she was as guilty as Raito. So why was he willing to let her off?

He dismissed the thought. Letting Misa go free, painting her portrait as that of a victim forced to do despicable acts, was his bargaining chip, nothing more. Without it, there was no way he would ever get her to hand Raito over, along with the testimony necessary to get him behind bars.

He trudged over to his laptop, bent on doing research to take his mind off the nagging sensation that he was slipping. He refrained from turning on the light, allowing the darkness of the room to surround him. He perched himself on the edge of the couch, leaning over to access his laptop sitting on the coffee table.

A warm, moist breeze tickled his ankles.

Ryuuzaki jumped, effectively leaping over the coffee table to face whatever it was that had been behind him on the couch. In the dark he could just make out a huddled form. He peered through the blackness, willing his eyes to adjust faster from the brightly lit hallway. The form seemed oddly… feminine. Impatient he walked over to the light switch and flicked it on.

Misa lay huddled on his couch; her short black skirt just barely covered the curve of her bottom, one strap of her tank top slipped slightly off her shoulder. Ryuuzaki found himself struggling for air. Yes, there was no doubt about it; Misa was affecting him in ways he'd rather not admit to. But more importantly, what was she doing on his couch in the middle of the night?

* * *

Misa twitched slightly; she had the sensation of a bright light shining outside her closed eyelids. Groggily, she grumbled softly, she'd had no intention of passing out on Ryuuzaki's couch. She'd just been waiting so long. She lifted her head sleepily, rubbing her eyes in an attempt to ignore the brightness. She stifled a yawn. "Hey Ryuuzaki," she said softly, still half asleep. She stared up at him with a slight smile.

Did he look slightly frazzled? She tilted her head slightly to the right. He looked a little speechless, and that was a new look for him. Was it possible? She stifled the urge to giggle, was it possible Ryuuzaki of all people found her attractive?

"Misa?" Ryuuzaki seemed to be reclaiming his usual near-emotionless state. "What are you doing here?"

Misa shifted uncomfortably, remembering why exactly she was here. "Remember how you said that if there was anything you should know I should tell you?" Her voice sounded very small in the room. Small and scared. Betrayal was such a difficult thing, yet at the same time so easy. Just a few words. A few words that weren't particularly difficult to say as they rolled off her tongue.

Ryuuzaki stared at Misa in shock. "I want to make a deal." She whispered into the stillness of the room. "Information for me being alright, like you said I'd be."

Ryuuzaki swallowed hard. Was it really going to be this easy? Or was this some sort of trap? He peered at Misa sharply from behind his dark hair. She had such a fragile look to her. Her eyes were red, as if she'd been crying again recently. And luminous. He'd never seen her look so… scared. His suspicions fell away. "I can promise you protection." He said surely, firmly. The detective to the fragile female creature who slinked into his protection. Why was he so suddenly reminded of film noire?

_To Be Continued…_


	6. Chapter 6

_There is love for everyone who is still following this story. I apologize for taking so long between updates!_

_**Chapter 6**_

Raito rubbed his eyes as he walked into his room. He was starting to fear that he was becoming worse then Ryuuzaki at staying up all hours, eyes trained on computer screens. On the other hand, the real reason he was up so late, alone in that room was to attempt to crack the codes required to access the death notes. The majority of the people on the team weren't all that inventive. He knew that if he just monitored them enough, he'd be able to deduce exactly what set of numbers they had chosen for a key. It was human nature to prefer patterns above all else after all.

He paused. There was a slim white envelope on his floor. He blinked, someone had been in his room? He turned to look at the door. No, his trap hadn't been set off. He stared down at the envelope where it lay on the carpet beside the door. Someone must have slid it under his door. But that didn't explain who or why. He stared at the offensive white rectangle, suspicion written across his features.

Misa was the obvious culprit. But then again, she would never use just a plain white envelope. She'd use a bright pink one, or perhaps a black one. There would be designs, or flowery handwriting. So who then would leave an unmarked envelope under his door?

Eventually his inquisitive nature got the best of him. He knelt and picked up the envelope. Sitting back on his heels he slit the sealed envelope open. A single small sheet of paper was stuck inside. Raito stared at it in confusion.

_Dear Raito,_

_I thought I loved you, and I dreamed of the day you would love me. For awhile I almost believed you did. I'm sorry to say however, that it wasn't your acting skills that fooled me, but my own blindness. You used me like a tool or a toy. So in a way, I'm not really sorry._

_All the same, I hope you will forgive me one day._

_Misa Amane_

"Forgive what?" He whispered into the quiet room, fear written in his eyes. There was really only one thing Misa could do to hurt him. And wouldn't she go down with him if she told? She'd never do that. Unless, Raito's head jerked up instantly, a sense of impending doom flooding through his system as it never had before, unless L had finally outmaneuvered him.

Raito stood, debating whether there were any possible moves left to him. The door crashed in without warning.The thin slip of paper he held fluttered to the floor as two police officers grabbed him and snapped handcuffs around his wrists. Perhaps he could have borne all this with dignity, but he could see his father standing in the doorway, disbelief and betrayal written across his features.

* * *

Misa sat huddled on the couch in Ryuuzaki's room. She'd told him everything. And now she felt slightly hollow inside. She was on a different floor than where Raito's room was located at the moment, but in her mind she could still hear the crash of his door being broken in by the arresting officers. She didn't feel like crying.

Ryuuzaki had made the call in this very room, summoning outside officers. He hadn't felt the need to explain all this to the team just yet. Any time spent doing that could potentially be enough time for Raito to construct another plan. Misa let her head fall against the couch. She only prayed that Raito didn't have any of the death note paper on him, if he did, she knew very well her life was forfeit. Ryuuzaki had her testimony, but it would be rather weak if she wasn't there in person to support it.

On the other hand, her death would also in some way prove her words were true. She would have been just another person killed off as a means to silence the truth. And then she wouldn't feel any guilt. She didn't feel bad for betraying Raito. She'd finally decided that she was done with being used. She didn't even feel bad for killing people – she never really had. But she felt guilty for being able to go free, to walk away from all this in a way that no one else tied to this case ever could. Because she had killed people by her choice. Many times. She had blood on her hands long before Raito had taken to using her.

She sighed. Maybe that didn't matter though. So long as she never did anything like it again. So long as she walked away having learnt an important lesson about attempting to take justice into one's own hands. Was that enough though?

She ran a hand through her silky hair. What was it her parents had used to say, back when she was little girl and none of this had begun? Life isn't fair. Of course, then they'd used it as justification for why she had to finish her vegetables before she got dessert, or why she had to go to bed early. Funny how such things could be co-opted into a justification for slipping out of a lifetime in prison on multiple murder charges.

* * *

Ryuuzaki opened the door to see Misa still sitting on his couch. She was idly playing with her hair. She didn't look as if she was deep in thought, but now he wondered. These past few days had revealed an entirely different side of Misa, one few people would ever have guessed existed.

He watched her turn her gaze so that her wide eyes met his. "What about the people I killed?" She whispered so softly he could barely make out the words. He sighed inwardly. There was that wasn't there? No matter how he tried to tell himself she'd merely been following Raito's lead all along, somewhere along the line she must have killed by her own volition.

"You've stopped Kira now though." He heard his voice reply. "The lives that you've saved far outweigh those you've taken." He didn't really want to believe he'd said that. He believed in justice, pure and simple. Adding shades of grey such as this was not a good idea in any way. But looking at the petite girl with such sad eyes, he couldn't help but feel rearranged.

_To be continued..._


	7. Chapter 7

_There is love for everyone who is still following this story. I apologize for taking so long between updates!_

**_Chapter 7_**

Misa stood and looked up at the large stone building before her. Her eyes were dull, betraying the weariness of the past several weeks. The tense anxiety that knotted inside her as she debated whether Raito had access to Death Note paper, the fears that she had done the wrong thing, the pure torture of waiting for this day to crash down upon her. She nervously chewed her lips, eyeing the building before her. Perhaps the final day of Kira's trial.

She blinked softly. There were news crews all around her, asking her questions and blindly shooting photos. An unchanged Misa would have commanded those photographs; she would have used this as a publicity stunt. But it was a changed Misa who was standing on these steps.

She ran her pale hands down her grey skirt. It was abnormally long for her, reaching just below her knees, lacking even a slit up the side through the filmy material. She tugged a little on the white blouse she wore, straightening the neck. She was dressed oddly conservative for herself. Nothing showed, nothing peeked, nothing screamed Misa Amane about her today. Which was deliberately planned of course.

Today she needed not just Ryuuzaki to take her seriously, but the entire world. The case against Raito hinged desperately on her testimony. Misa gently pushed a stray lock of hair out of her face. There was a blustery wind tossing the filmy skirt around her legs, and mussing her hair. The sky was grey, with a cruel promise of rain in the darker corners of the clouds. It was a perfect setting for judgement.

Misa walked up the stairs slowly. Each step hard won against the crowd of reporters by her body guards – hired specifically by Ryuuzaki. She sighed inaudibly; Ryuuzaki had done so much for her these past few weeks. He'd coached her through the process of getting a lawyer, telling her story just so Raito did seem like the manipulating mastermind, and she the victim. Most of all, he'd protected her every step of the way, just as he'd promised.

She regretted that slightly. She could see the turmoil in his usually inexpressive eyes when he looked at her. She knew how important justice was to him, and in many ways, she would always be the criminal who got away. The only one L had ever failed to bring to justice. Because of a bargain.

She was in front of the doors to the courthouse now. One of her bodyguards was patiently holding the door for her, while holding reporters back. She smiled softly, gratefully at the guard, placing one hand gently against the handle of the door as she brushed past it. She couldn't help the shiver that ran up her spine as she stepped into the building. In a different world, she could very easily be the person on trial here. In a different situation.

She entered the courtroom with steps just as slow and precise as all those that had come before, between this place and the hotel room she'd left as dawn lit up the sky. She couldn't pretend her heart didn't jump in her chest; that her breathe didn't catch in her throat when she saw Raito chained and humiliated. She'd put him there. The proudest, brightest man she'd ever known; and she had brought him down to this.

Reluctantly she tore her guilty eyes away from Raito. She shouldn't feel bad for bringing him to justice. But then again, there were a lot of things she should feel bad for but didn't, so maybe things balanced out somewhere. She sat stiffly. This would be a long day, but if she was lucky, it would be the only day she actually had to sit in this room. The only day she would have to sit up there and tell the world her not-quite lies. The only day she'd actually have to look Raito in the face and tell him that he was _wrong_. That his vision that he'd had, despite all the allure of it when he told it to her with that fierce passion in his eyes, was a terrible, horrible thing.

Maybe the worst part of it all was that the whole world would hear her admit to having followed a man blindly because of love or fear or some strange mix of both. She'd have to admit to her delusions on national television. Every insecurity would be exposed, she was sure. Whether the questions were asked or not.

The trial opened; day nine was it? Misa wasn't sure. She hadn't actually followed it too closely. All she knew was this: her testimony hinged the entire case against Raito. Depending on how this went, this could be the last day of the trial. Or it could be the first of many days of questioning her.

She took a deep breathe, standing and taking the steps that led her to the witness box. Briefly she thought back to the night following the one she'd betrayed Raito…

"_Have I done the right thing?" Misa whispered softly, tears running down her cheeks, bringing her black eye makeup streaming with them. She was hugging a pillow to her tightly. Part of her longed for human contact, but at the same time, she needed to fight this alone._

"_You did the only thing you could." The dark skeletal voice of Rem replied in the darkness. Misa had shivered softly. _

"_I almost wish I'd never met you Rem." She'd said softly into the dark. "Then none of this would have happened." She'd bit her lip. She didn't actually want to hurt the shinigami's feelings, assuming that shinigami had feelings._

"_When the trial is over, you can forget about all of it." Rem replied softly, almost motherly. "Just give up the Death Note to me, and all your memories of this time will disappear again. This time for good."_

_Misa had sat in the dark for a long time considering the offer. After all, it had worked before. But at the same time, if she forgot everything, what would she have learned from any of this? She'd forget Raito, and how foolishly she'd given her heart away in return for nothing. She'd forget Ryuuzaki, and how friendship could save you in the strangest places. She'd forget what it felt like to kill, what it felt like to trade someone else's freedom, someone else's dream, for her own. _

_It wouldn't be justice if she forgot all those things, would it?_

Misa swallowed the lump in her throat, sitting softly down, and facing the crowd, the television cameras, and Raito, who stared at her disinterestedly. She shook the past off her quickly; preparing herself for what came next.


	8. Chapter 8

_Hmm…so it seemed like I didn't get very many reviews last chapter – did you not like it as much?? You have to tell me these things people so I can make it the best possible!_

**_Chapter 8_**

Ryuk and Rem stood at the back of the courtroom. _"I still don't think you need to make her suffer like this when you're going to kill him anyway." _Rem said suddenly, careful not to talk too loudly since she knew that she could be seen by more than a few of the people currently in the room.

Ryuk snorted. "_But where's the fun in that? Its entertaining, and far too soon it will all be over and we'll have to go back to the shinigami realm."_

"_Maybe you can." _Rem muttered, annoyed that her death note was under lock and key, and she had yet to figure out how to get it back so long as Misa was so determined to remember the events that had transpired.

"_Kukukuku, don't be bitter Rem."_ Ryuk was far too cocky, knowing that he could only seen by three people in the room. _"I'm sure Misa will look out for you just like you looked out for her."_ The unspoken fact that Rem cared about Misa hung heavily in the air between the two shinigami. Shinigami were never supposed to get emotionally involved. It was almost a pity that Raito seemed better at that than many actual shinigami were.

* * *

Misa took a deep breath, faced by Raito's lawyer. The man was shrewd and though everyone knew Raito was Kira, the man seemed determined to prove this wasn't the case at all. Misa shrugged the thought off, a lawyer who can disprove the obvious would be high in demand, and as a fellow actor (though of a different sort), who was she to judge?

"According to your testimony," the irritating man began, "Raito Yagami is Kira. However, we know there was a second Kira. And you claim that this was in fact, you, Miss Amane?"

"Yes." Misa said softly.

"And you really expect us to believe that this is the case? How do we know that this isn't just a publicity stunt you're pulling?"

Misa sat very still. "How can murders I was forced to commit be a publicity stunt?" She asked, aghast. "We're talking about people's lives."

"Ahh, so you say you were forced to commit murder. How, may I ask, can one be forced to kill?"

Misa sighed softly. "It's in the nature of the death notes." She said softly. "It is so very easy to write a person's name and visualize their face. It doesn't have the same impact as physically holding a gun to someone's head. So when feeling threatened or manipulated, its so much easier to do than pull a trigger. You don't actually see anyone die and you don't directly kill them. You don't realize what you've done."

"Unless you think about it." The lawyer replied.

Misa smiled weakly, nearly upset that she knew what to say to that. "I'm just an actress, I'm not really known for my intellect."

"Order." The judge muttered from above. "Please return to your questioning, and no more asides."

"Of course your honor," the lawyer said smoothly. "Miss Amane, how exactly would you describe the threatening behaviour of Raito Yagami?"

"It was inherent." Misa replied.

"Please elaborate." The lawyer hissed snidely.

"Raito always had a death note of his own. If I didn't do as he said, my name could be written in there just as easily as anyone else's."

"But this is all rather indirect." The lawyer continued. "Did Raito Yagami every actually threaten you directly?"

"No." Misa admitted softly.

"Did he ever hurt you in any way, making you think that he wanted to cause you harm?"

Misa's breath caught in her throat. "Yes." She whispered softly. Admitting to being abused on national television – even if it was just the once, it was terrible that everyone had to know.

The lawyer's cocky façade feel for a moment. "What?"

"Yes." Misa replied. "Raito Yagami hit me." And with that ambigious sentence, for it could be interpreted that he'd hit her many times rather than just the once, she knew she'd sealed Raito's fate. Defeat was already written across the lawyer's face.

* * *

Misa returned to her seat in the audience, her eyes watering slightly. She hadn't meant to, but while exiting the stand she'd let her eyes stray over to Raito's. Her glared at her darkly, menacingly. She shivered, praying that he would never again have access to a death note. The prospect was really too terrifying.

The trial dragged on for several more days. Misa could feel it dragging across her nerves. Ryuuzaki kept his distance on purpose, afraid that the press might ask too many questions of him, and his identity was truly a secret worth keeping. The presence of a certain pair of shinigamis at the back of the courtroom ground away at her patience. Until the day the trial finally came to a close.

"The jury has decided. Raito Yagami, you are deemed guilty of all charges." The judge announced gruffly. "Your sentence…" the man was cut off when Raito leapt from his seat.

"What do you mean guilty? I was creating a utopia!"

"_Please,"_ Rem whispered to Ryuk. _"If you're going to do it, at least have the decency to do it now."_

"_Decency?"_ Ryuk sniggered. _"But this is amusing. Kukukuku."_

"It would have the most effect if you did it now." A young man with tousled black hair interjected. Ryuuzaki glared up at the two shinigami. "You'd get it on national television, and most of the people on earth with televisions are watching this." His voice was slightly bitter, and his eyes never left the young man at the front of the courtroom who was disgracing himself with insane ramblings.

"_Good point."_ The shinigami replied, pulling out a death note and writing Raito Yagami's name in his messy script. He had barely put away the notebook when the young man at the front of the courtroom gasped and grabbed his hest, collapsing to the floor.

Misa stared at Raito, tears running freely down her cheeks. She had loved him and despite everything that had happened, his end was not one she would have wished on anyone. It didn't seem right that a man who had lived so stoically would spend his last minutes in a frenzy that bordered on madness. She knew it had been Ryuk who'd written his name, that the heart attack wasn't natural. But the world didn't know about shinigamis, and the world believed there were only two death notes. So it appeared to merely be an ironic end to the once terrifying Kira.


	9. Chapter 9

_Okay, so the story is winding down now(there should be just one more chapter after this)… I hope it meets everyone's expectations!_

**_Chapter 9_**

"_Misa."_ Misa turned at the sound of her name. "_I want to leave the human realm." _Misa sighed, splashing water onto her face. She was still in the courthouse, trying to compose herself after that morning's events. Raito's death had been both terrible and a relief to her, but in the end all she wanted was the get away from any more death.

"What am I supposed to do about that Rem?" Misa said firmly, her eyes not leaving the reflections in the washroom mirror.

"_Give the death note back to me."_ Misa sighed softly, shaking her head at the shinigami's reflection. A look of comprehension crossed the shinigami's features, _"Raito had my death note."_

"Yes," Misa replied with a sigh. "But you can't just take it back." She turned around to face Rem. "It's currently under heavy security, and if it just disappears, then the hunt for the next possible Kira will never end."

"_Then how do I get it back?"_ Rem stared at Misa blankly, wondering slightly if she necessarily had to do what Misa told her.

"I don't know." Misa let a heavy sigh escape her lips. "Talk to Ryuuzaki. I'm sure he'll figure something out for you. He'll probably make sure the death notes disappear from the public eye anyway." Turning back to the mirror, Misa proceeded to fix her makeup and her hair.

"_Ryuuzaki?"_ The shinigami said with slight distaste. _"Must I?"_

"No. You can technically do whatever you want, Rem." Misa said softly. Straightening her back after applying her mascara, Misa turned to face the shinigami once more. "I don't want to see you anymore though." Her eyes watered slightly. "You've been more than a good friend," she whispered hoarsely, "but I need a chance to move on, to get over all this. I don't want to forget what I've done, but I need some time where I'm not forced to remember everything either."

* * *

The young woman walked slowly out of the courthouse. Sliding a pair of sunglasses on, she ordered her bodyguards ahead of her, to the car. She needed to leave this building, and this chapter of her life, alone. Her heels tapped out a staccato rhythm across the marble floor, throwing echoes through the open hall.

"_Where are you going?" _A second haunting voice rattled across Misa's spine.

"Hello Ryuk." Misa said, stopping in the middle of the marble foyer, but refusing to turn around to face the shinigami.

"_You don't really think you get to walk away from all this so easily, do you?"_ The shinigami said threateningly.

"You don't really think you scare me, do you Ryuk?" Misa said scathingly. Watching Raito die in front of the entire courtroom, she'd known it was Ryuk who was responsible. Watching, knowing everything she knew, something in her hardened and a resolve grew strong. All her life she'd let other people control her, or use her, or mold her into who they wanted her to be. Sitting in the courtroom as it emptied of people, all stunned into near silence by what was perhaps the strangest trial in human history, she realized that it was time to be the Misa Amane that Misa wanted to be.

"_Brave words. You know I can kill you just like I killed Raito." _Ryuk stood directly behind Misa, but she still refused to turn around.

"But you won't." Misa said firmly. "You know I'll be far more entertaining to watch from wherever it is you watch people." She paused. "Besides, Rem wouldn't have taken half my life that first time if I was destined to die so soon." Misa didn't look back as she heard Ryuk disgruntled wheeze, she merely straightened her sunglasses and resumed walking across the marble floors.

That was the last time she ever heard the voice of a shinigami in her life.

* * *

Misa stepped daintily down the courthouse steps to her waiting car. She paused, slowly removing her sunglasses as a pale man stepped before her. "Ryuuzaki." She said warmly. "L." She smiled. "I guess you're going back to solving the world's most terrible crimes?"

Ryuuzaki smiled slightly, the most expression she'd seen cross his face in a long time. "Maybe. I might take a vacation first."

"The famous L takes vacations?" Misa asked sweetly, though a melancholic wistfulness tainted the teasing tone in her voice. She looked towards the car that waited for her. "I'm going to America." She said softly.

Ryuuzaki didn't reply right away, though Misa wasn't sure if it was because of shock or if he just didn't really care. "I suppose that's a good move for your career?"

Misa nodded in the affirmative. She turned her gaze back to Ryuuzaki's dark eyes. "Thank you." She said softly. "Thank you for everything." She chewed her lip for a long moment before throwing her arms around a thoroughly startled Ryuuzaki. "Goodbye." She whispered hoarsely into his ear before pulling away. "It's been an honour to know you." She said softly, bowing her head a little before sliding her sunglasses back onto her face and stepping past him to her waiting car.

* * *

Ryuuzaki turned to watch Misa rush down the last few steps. In some ways she was running away from her past, in others she was merely racing forward into a future where she would be herself, instead of the fake plastic act she'd been before all this. In a silence borne of shock Ryuuzaki watched dumbly as Misa smoothed her skirt before sliding into the black car.

In silence he watch the dark colored car pull away. He watched the vehicle cruise down the street, finally disappearing around a corner. He could feel a lump forming in his throat. Was this it? Thank you, thank you so much, goodbye? Goodbye forever? The young man let his head tilt forward, allowing his dark unruly hair to cover his eyes. Eyes that raged with a sea of unspoken emotion. Emotion the world could not be allowed to see.


	10. Chapter 10

_Last chapter! I hope everyone enjoyed the story! I want to thank everyone who's taken the time to review and a big thank you to the people who added this story to C2s – I feel loved. :)_

**_Chapter 10_**

The woman who walked in front of me was on the petite side, her spiked heels lending her an extra few inches, putting her at about the same height as myself. It was a little odd, seeing a woman in her mid-twenties with pink highlights in her blonde hair. She was walking down the street dressed in a short black miniskirt and a black leather jacket, at least that's what I could see her wearing from behind. Something in the way she moved though struck me as familiar.

Which wouldn't be all that surprising; this particular stretch of L.A. streets was famous for celebrity sightings. Though from the back alone, I certainly couldn't place her. An annoying ring tone filled the air, an excerpt from some tacky pop song. I rolled my eyes: I've never been much for celebrity-worshipping, and the silly things they did seemed to reinforce my already low opinion of their intelligence.

In the swish of her spiky bangs, I could partially make out her profile. She had that exotic gothic look that was growing in popularity since that Japanese actress who'd been in that huge trial about "Kira" had made it big here. I was slightly skeptical about that whole trial, seeing as how it had all happened when I was in high school and was too caught up in my own little bubble to pay much attention to the world at large. And I have always detested copy-cats. Though if this were the actual Misa Amane, that might be a slightly different story…

From the corner of my eye I noticed a man was following us from the other side of the street. He seemed to be staring at the Misa look-alike. Though when he noticed me watching him he immediately directed his gaze forward. Intrigued, I supposed that he'd merely recognized the actress. Though when we turned a corner onto a less busy street and he followed, I wondered if that was all there was to this.

The man had dark, messy hair, and looked to be in his late-twenties, I supposed. He was fairly slight in his build, and his clothes were far from stylish, but weren't exactly threatening either. But then again, this was L.A. and damned if I was going to let another woman walk around alone as evening settled in around us. So I continued following her, even as we passed the turn that would have delivered me safe at home. I wouldn't have kept following her, but the guy across the street was still following her too, staring at her in the strangest way. I started to wonder if maybe he was a stalker of some sort.

Finally, I realized I might also be coming across a little stalkerish, though the woman ahead of me seemed to be paying me no attention. I sped up a little and hesitantly tapped the woman on the shoulder. She turned around gracefully, and it hit me quite suddenly that this was no look-alike, this was the real Misa Amane! This probably made our stalker on the other side of the street, who'd now paused to watch us intently, all the more a threat to her.

"Umm," I stumbled for words, mentally hitting myself for not having taken the time to hash out what I was going to actually say to her. "I know this is going to sound really weird," I sputtered, "but that guy across the street has been following you for about half an hour." I raised my hand instinctively to point at the somewhat disheveled man across the street.

"What?" Misa exclaimed, staring across the street at the man in surprise. She blinked a few times, staring hard at the man. "I think," she began slowly, her features delicately wrinkling as if in concentration, "I know him."

I stared between Miss Amane and the strange man across the street a few times. Both remained frozen in place, in a silent regard. "Thank you for telling me." The actress said to me softly, her Japanese accent only faintly adding to her English. "I don't think you need to worry though." She said firmly. I suppose she meant for me to disappear then.

I took a few steps backwards and finally gave a sigh and turned away. At the next building I turned around though, to watch this strange scene unfold. After a second, I whipped out my cell phone, my fingers ready to dial 911, if anything weird happened next.

I watched the strange man finally step across the quiet street, until he stood just a few feet from Misa. It was strange the way the two stared at each other. It was like two people who hadn't thought they'd ever see each other again were meeting again. It was getting chilly as the night swept in and I began to shiver. Foolish me, forgetting my jacket again. I started when the two figures embraced. After a startled second, I regained my composure, alright, so obviously Misa knew this guy, and wasn't exactly scared of him if she was hugging him. My fingers itching over the cell phone pad, I called for a cab and went home, filing this strange little event in the corner of my mind with other useless attempts at being helpful.

* * *

Misa followed the slightly shaky hand of the girl across the street. The man she pointed at seemed oddly familiar. There was something about his wildly mussed dark hair, and the way it fell over his eyes, the almost thoughtless way he was dressed; it pulled at her memory. It couldn't be… Ryuuzaki?

Certainly it had been years since she'd seen him now, so obviously he wouldn't look exactly the same. "You don't need to worry though…" she heard herself tell the girl who'd alerted her to his presence. She wondered briefly why exactly she was sending the girl away; this man wasn't necessarily Ryuuzaki after all, and even if it was, why exactly did she want to see him alone?

Misa watched the man cross the road slowly, coming to a stop just a foot or two away from her. Close up, she was almost certain it was him, those strangely expressionless eyes were hard to forget, and memories of those days still surfaced in her dreams. In her dreams Ryuuzaki was always the rock she held onto, his presence reassuring on levels she wasn't quite sure she wanted to deal with. "Ryuuzaki?" she finally breathed.

"It's been a long time." The man replied slowly, his English came out with a touch of a British accent and Misa immediately recalled Ryuuzaki saying he'd spent a number of years in England. Without thinking, she threw herself forward and hugged him. Her eyes closed, Misa marveled in the fact that somehow fate had thrown them back together… alright, maybe she was getting ahead of herself. But wasn't it odd the way Ryuuzaki's arms had tightened around her almost immediately? He'd never done that all those years ago, always so awkward and distant.

Misa didn't move for a long moment. "I missed you." A slightly hoarse voice whispered into her ear. Misa stepped back quickly, pulling out of Ryuuzaki's arms in surprise.

"You… what?" She squeaked. This couldn't be her Ryuuzaki. He would never have said something like that.

"Missed you." The young man said firmly. His eyes betrayed nothing, though the corner of his mouth seemed to want to smile at her. "I didn't realize that after spending so much time with people, I'd end up missing them." Misa relaxed slightly, alright, that sounded a little more like him. "And I always felt like I should have said something that day when you left," he continued, "So I promised myself that if I ever saw you again I would tell you so."

Misa stared at him for a long moment. "So how have you been?" She said softly, awkwardly.

"Good. Bored. There aren't any challenging cases after Kira." The detective said dismissively. "I've seen you've made a name for yourself here though."

Misa nodded absently. "Once I learned English it was easy enough." She replied. The space between them seemed vast and awkward. She rather wished she could close it somehow. Maybe she shouldn't have hugged him. Or maybe she shouldn't have been so surprised that Ryuuzaki had actually missed her.

She watched the man stand there awkwardly. "Do you want to get a coffee?" He said finally. "I believe that's what one's supposed to do in this type of situation." Misa smiled, one that warmed her eyes and melted away the tension in her shoulders.

"How about supper?" She replied laughingly, extending a hand to Ryuuzaki. She watched him look thoughtfully from her outstretched hand to her sparkling eyes before delicately taking hold of it.

"Only if we can have cake for dessert." He replied solemnly. Misa smiled and nodded of course, taking note of the slight crinkle of amusement around his eyes. Maybe they weren't so expressionless after all.

Misa directed her old friend through the busy city to her favourite restaurant, a cozy little place that she assured him had excellent cake. He'd looked at her with wide eyes and she'd merely smiled in reply. "You taught me not to fear cake, remember?" She had teased. It was strange how comfortable her hand felt in his, how quickly things had gone from awkward to comfortable.

Sitting quietly while Ryuuzaki finished his cake, Misa stared out the window. A few stars shone stubbornly through the aura of light the city threw around it. A small sigh slipped through her lips, and she felt the warmth of a hand cover her own. Her gaze followed the hand up to Ryuuzaki. "You know you don't have to feel any remorse anymore, right?"

Misa tilted her head slightly. Was that what she'd felt all these years? Remorse for everything that had happened? Remorse for hurting and killing people, even if indirectly. Remorse for Raito's end. Remorse for letting herself be pushed around and controlled for so long. Remorse for leaving Ryuuzaki on the courthouse steps when there was till so much to say.

Misa nodded softly, another smile working its way across her lips to light up her eyes, "I know." She replied softly, letting herself squeeze Ryuuzaki's hand ever so slightly. She met Ryuuzaki's dark eyes, suddenly strangely open and expressive to her. "I know."

_The End_


End file.
